Parents: Gluttons for Punishment?

I love all of the different rooftops and how they fit together

A neighbor's door stoop

While the family has been sitting through bureaucratic meetings legitimizing their presence and residency here in the Netherlands, I am free to walk about and explore Delft on my own - the boys think that this is really unfair, and accuse the Netherlands of being mean to me for not letting me live here longer. I am proud to say that I am gaining my bearings faster than I am picking up the language, but not by much! Thankfully, Delft has a very small town feel, and every one so far has been incredibly friendly and helpful, so I never feel like my safety is at stake (that's an almost laughable statement). But with how small it is, I am still able to get turned around and spend 5 minutes walking in the direction that I think is the right way, only to learn that I was completely wrong. It doesn't help that all of the clock towers, canals, and bridges look very similar. Yesterday, while I took Jasper and Oliver on a walk to a new park, Jasper kept asking me which way to turn while he led the way on his bike. I would reply with a direction, and he would need confirmation, "Is that what the map says, Chelsea?" Even the children have little faith in my inner geographical positioning system.

Once at the park, we were greeted by an 8 yr. old girl, Mikar and her 7 yr. old brother. Mikar was ready to make new friends, but Jasper and Oliver had suddenly become shy and quiet (quite the contrary to how they behave at home). Mikar modestly informed us, "Me no speak English," but soon we were carrying on a conversation just fine in English. She was very sweet and didn't leave my side until her dad called her home. At one point, she managed to make Oliver crack a smile, and she pointed and exclaimed, “Big smell! Big smell!” When the boys didn't catch on to what she was saying, she ran and grabbed a ball with a big smiley face painted on it and held it up to her own face, “Big smell!”

I'm having trouble deciding if living with a family is an inspiration or major deterrent for ever having children. Having worked in the early childhood education field for 5 years, this certainly isn't a new paradox to me, but it is giving me the full 24 hours of parenthood. My god, is it exhausting. I look at families who juggle all of their lives and wonder, “Wait, do you get more energy as you get older and have kids?”

I will use the Horner-Devines as an example. They are both up all night tending to their new baby who has just discovered the freedom of turning over, but gets upset soon after because she hates being on her belly and doesn't know yet how to turn back over. Then their 2 boys in the next room wake up early in the morning and are ready for action. A good majority of a Claire and Alex's day is spent negotiating and monitoring conflict-resolution with their boys. Then there's the usual planning around mealtimes and rest, while intermittently tending to their own adult responsibilities and health. In the Horner-Devine's case, it's selling their house, fixing their cars, moving to another country, and setting up their lives there, which includes but not limited to: buying health insurance, registering through immigrations, establishing their careers, calling people to repair the new house, getting the kids into good schools, buying groceries, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry without a dryer, buying beds, building said-beds, etc. And then, when a certain nanny complains because she lost maybe 20 minutes of sleep over being too hot, Alex brings home a new fan so she can sleep soundly through the night.

Claire tells the kids the plan for the day

Today, I woke up after everyone else had risen, and plopped down into a comfy chair across from Claire to hear the plans for the day. I watched in amazement as she breast feed a fussy Annika while she simultaneously comforted Oliver who was crying into her shoulder, after he had just biffed it on the hard tiled floor. Meanwhile, her oldest son was perched just a foot away on the same couch, doing what I can only imagine was plotting how he could vie for his mother's attention. And Claire managed it all beautifully – gently feeding her baby on one lap while kissing and cradling her son on her other lap, AND calmly telling me the plan with a smile and cracking jokes. I was tempted to capture it all on film, but decided against it. Knowing that Claire was up all night with Annika, and now ready to leave the house to go sit through hours of registration, I sat in my chair in disbelief, about to roll back into bed so that at least somebody could get more sleep. 

Oliver sings Pearl Jam's I'm still Alive into my new headset

And then tonight Claire joked to me as she treated herself to a bite of chocolate, (then rinsing out her mouth with water so that her kids wouldn't detect the smell of chocolate on her breath), that normally she has to sneak chocolate when her kids aren't around because otherwise she has to share it. Are you freaking kidding me?! You're wonder woman all day and all night, running on no sleep and no time to yourself and you can't even treat yourself to a piece of chocolate in peace? How do you survive the day otherwise?!

I'm making this all sound much more melodramatic than I should – I realize that I'd feel differently if I had my own children. Don't get me wrong, I love the children that I have had the honor of closely caring for and would do anything for them. I'm probably the pot calling the kettle black in some ways here. I just would like to point out that no matter how much time I spend with a parent and their children, I will always be dumbfounded by the amount of selfless energy and unconditional love they produce to make each day healthy and fun for their kids. And Claire and Alex are one of the most astounding couples of them all. And the award-nobel prize-gold medal goes to...

Even newly weds ride on bikes in Delft. I love the groom's socks!

The newly weds stop to croon over a baby